Red vs. Blue Episode
"The Reds Get a Delivery"
Episode no. 2

The Reds Get a Delivery is the second episode of the Red vs. Blue. The episode introduces two recurring vehicles (one also an AI) along with the Red's robot Lopez.



Sarge: Hurry up ladies, this aint no ice cream social.
Grif: Ice cream social?
(Simmons and Grif exchange looks; Cut to Sarge)
Sarge: Oh shut up. Anyway, would any of you like to guess why I called you both here?
(Cut to Grif)
Grif: Uhh, the war's over and we can go home?
Sarge: That's it Private, the wars over...
(Cut to Sarge)
Sarge: ...and we won. Turn's out you're the big hero, and we're gonna hold a parade in your honor. I was going to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!
Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm, Sarge.
Sarge: Goddamn it Grif! Shut the hell up or I'll have Simmons here slit your throat while you're asleep.
(Cut to Simmons)
Simmons: Oh and I'll do it too.
Sarge: I know you would, Simmons. Good man.
(Cut to Sarge)
Sarge: Anyway, Command sees fit that they will increase our ranks at Blood Gulch Outpost One.
(Cut to Simmons and Grif)
Simmons: Crap.
Grif: That mean's we're getting a rookie.
(Simmons and Grif exchange looks; Cut to Sarge)
Sarge: That's right ladies, the new recruit will be here within the week. Today, we received a gift from Command. LOPEZ, bring up the vehicle.
(Sarge turns around and looks at a hill; which a vehicle appears over)
Sarge: This, is the warthog.
(Cut to Simmons and Grif)
Simmons: Shotgun.
Grif: Shotgun. (realizes he's too late) Fuck!
(Cut to Sarge)
Sarge: It has four-inch armor plating, mag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gun position, and total seating for three. This is the M12 LRV.
(Cut to Simmons and Grif; Simmons and Grif look at eachother)
Simmons: I thought you said it was the Warthog.
(Cut to Sarge)
Sarge: I call it the Warthog because M12 LRV is hard to say.
Grif: Why warthog?
Sarge: What did you say?
(Cut to Grif)
Grif: I said it doesn't look much like a warthog. I think it looks more like a Puma.
Simmons: Like the shoe company?
Grif: No, I mean like a big cat.
(Cut to Sarge)
Sarge: You're making that up.
Grif: No, I'm not.
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes, sir!
Sarge: Anyway, the reason I call it the Warthog is because of these two front hooks. They look like tusks, and what animal has tusks?
(Grif walks behind Sarge)
Grif: Walruses, elephants, wild boars, narwhals...
Sarge: Didn't I tell you to stop making up animals!?
(Cut to Church looking through a sniper rifle, with Tucker beside him)
Tucker: Hey Church, what is that thing?
(Church lowers the sniper)
Church: It's a car. Kinda looks like a big cat of some kind.
Tucker: ... You mean like a puma?
Church: Yeah.
Tucker: They are so fucking lucky.
Church: What are you talking about, we just got a tank.
Tucker: Yeah, but you can't pick chicks up with a tank. A car maybe, but not a tank. Besides, neither of us know how to drive a tank.
Church: Well, we are getting a new recruit soon, maybe they'll know.
(Cut to the Red Team)
Sarge: Okay Grif, do you have any more ideas for names?
Grif: (sighs) No, sir.
Sarge: How about Unicorn? Bigfoot? Sasquatch? Leprechaun? Phoenix?
Grif: No sir, I have no more suggestions.
Sarge: Hey Simmons, what's that big goat-eating lizard?
Simmons: You mean the chupacabra, sir?
Sarge: Yeah, the Chupathingy. I kinda like it. It's got a nice ring to it.
Grif: (sighs) Oh, fuck me.

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